my being single is dangerous.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
