he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
