can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
