My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
