This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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