i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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