I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
