She announced her abortion via fbk
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
