oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize