did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
