what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
