I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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