can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
