im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
