I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
