I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
