i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
