Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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