I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
