just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
