But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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