sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You ruined the universe
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
