I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
