there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
