he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
