I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
