you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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