It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
