6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
