Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
