Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
