FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
