I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
