I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
