Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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