Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
