yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
