i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
