Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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