i think i have herpe
just one?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
