I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
