I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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