My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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