I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
