Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
