This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
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Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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