first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
