Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Randomize
