you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
