I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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