I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
