pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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