you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
