can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
