NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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