I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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