why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is Oprah even human
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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