i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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