hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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