Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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