wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
