i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
