my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
