Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
